Don’t Be Afraid

Hey readers! How have you been? Apologies for the disappearance – many topics to write but time is a slippery thing (especially with a toddler) that at the end of a day I may not have the energy to type. A late, yet important topic I wanted to bring up about taking chances and why we should grab them by the balls.

I spoke to a friend of mine just recently that in the past couple of months, I have been feeling mediocre. I felt that my life is a cycle of doing the same things everyday. Do I sound like I’m complaining? I’m not, but the truth is that it made me feel like I’m not going anywhere. Stagnant, stuck and being in this comfort zone that isn’t making me grow and/or become better.

I didn’t voice my feelings to the husband, as I can’t rely on him to solve all my problems. So instead, I encouraged myself to do something worthwhile that might give me feel like I’m ‘valuable’. I jumped back into freelancing for small jobs and it felt so rewarding. The pay wasn’t what motivated me, it was the push to learn about other industries, topics and at the core of it, being ‘needed’ professionally.

After I had gotten a few jobs, I told the husband and he (of course) was very supportive and proud that I made this step. Initially I was scared – I kept on thinking, ‘What if this decreases my time with the family?’ or ‘I don’t know anything about this topic’ and so on. Insecurities are such a bummer when you fall into its’ claws, which is why you need to find a way to make it motivate you.

Fast forward and I was approached by a few close friends for another opportunity to not only expand my knowledge, but also take a huge jump into something I didn’t think I would do. If you’re interested, I’ll keep you updated once I’m able to give sneak peeks but it was such a perfect timing and opportunity for me.

You see, I wrote about embracing being a stay-at-home mum and all, but my mind still holds onto that fear of being judged along with the stigma that is given to this role. Am I wrong to be afraid? No. Fear, just like insecurity, can help us push ourselves in becoming better and grow. Just because you fear something, doesn’t mean you should avoid it at all cost. Instead, you should embrace the journey and if it makes you stumble, learn from it and become better.

So what I’m trying to say is, don’t be afraid of where you are right now. Know that when you’ve hit that burnout or stagnant button, that’s the cue to pick yourself back up again. As mentioned, grab any opportunities that comes your way and enable yourself to grow. Take those risks and sometimes, ignore the voices in your head that tells you otherwise.

Lots of love :*

Am I Enough?

It’s a bit cliché to do a post before the year ends, but who cares – I’m doing it anyway.

This particular statement has been rolling around in my head for some time, but hasn’t had the time to properly stretch it out. I hope I’ll do it some justice and be able to explain it in detail.

Where am I going with this? Ever since I found out a human being is growing inside me, I was not only ecstatic about her presence in our lives, but my fears have increased as well. There are so many deranged, scary, disgusting and just so much negativity going on in this world right now, I can’t list them one by one on how I fear it was/will/may affect my child.

But the worst thing? I’m afraid I am not doing enough for her. Have I prepared for her future ‘right’? How will I lead her to become strong, confident and independent? Will she love music as much as her parents does? Are the foods I’m giving her nutritional enough? And even this (yes this was said to me) – am I holding her right?

Societal standards have become so high now that everything is ‘transparent’ through what you share on social media, what people think they know, and their need to express their thoughts. It’s as bizarre as it is disturbing.

This doesn’t just apply for us ‘mothers’, but for each and every ‘role’ that has been created to brand ourselves – wife, husband, daughter, friend.

I follow a few of these ‘quote’ pages on Instagram – one of the reasons that I do is to uplift my mood wherever it may be on the scale for that day. I consider myself lucky if I may, that my level of ignorance (or obliviousness) has made me somewhat ‘strong’ (or let’s say ignorant) if there are comments from people (strangers to close family members) that indirectly ‘judge’ me on how I’m doing – especially with motherhood right now. Depending on what kind of day I’m having and my hormones, it usually goes in one ear and comes out the other. To some however, those words may be the tipping point on whether they continue their journey in that ‘role’ or not.

On top of lifting my mood, these pages help me realise that most of their quotes are based on a common theme – loving yourself and believing that you are enough.We are all created with flaws, so we’ll make mistakes. But really, if you’ve given everything you have in becoming the best of you, that is enough. Keep that in mind though, that you need to keep evolving and growing to be the best version of you. If you are, then yes my dears, I/you/we are enough.

Have a safe and Happy New Year!

Weight Gain and Body Issues

Hello!

Sorry for the absence – have been preparing for the little one and I couldn’t find a suitable topic that my fingers wanted to explore until this one. So I’m in my final weeks (hitting 35 weeks now) and the weight gain is amazing. I don’t mean that in a positive way, I meant like – 3kgs in 2 weeks. Baby is healthy, and I’m still within the ‘healthy weight gain’ range, but I’ve hit a weight in which I wanted to avoid if possible.

In total, I’ve gained 11kgs – which my obgyn says is very normal (ranges between 10-15kgs) and baby is also growing. Friends have also mentioned that it’s just my stomach that looks ready to burst, but haven’t really gone everywhere else.

Now that is comforting to hear, but you know us ladies – the scale matters. I’ve ‘complained’ and whinged to the hubby as well, but him being him (and wise too) says that it’s normal and as long as I lose it once Alex is here, he’s good. Even my mum (who’s usually vocal on weight gains when one is not pregnant), is quite chill with the weight I’ve gained.

This just made me reflect about once again, the pressure society has brought on to the ladies to the point where everyone around them doesn’t see an issue about their body image, but they’re still feeling the pressure and stressing themselves over it. I mean, we’re pregnant and weight gain is a necessity to ensure that both mum and bub is well, but at the back of our minds it’s such a scary thing as well as we worry about how to lose it, how to look good again, how to become attractive again for our husbands and so on.

The list will be another blog post if I continue.

So ladies, yes it’s hard to turn these thoughts around – especially about this topic. There’s so many demands from not only ourselves, but some people around us regarding our bodies and what is deemed to be attractive. One thing that helps is having a good partner that will support your goals – whether it’s losing the weight together, or supporting your efforts in the journey. Another is to say ‘f*ck you and your standards society’ and make sure your journey in gaining back your confidence about your body is purely based on you, not a third party.

Happy Tuesday!

This is #33weeks (now at 35!)

Insecurities Build Yourself

Ok hear me out.

I’ve just moved jobs (which I’m currently enjoying very much) and actually doing something I’ve been curious and want to do for quite some time. Writing and finding all sorts of new vocabularies that exist in the English Language is quite an adventure indeed, you get to play around with words you’ve probably never even heard of.

This is not the issue.

The issue relates to my article Becoming a FT mother – the story continues. I’ve somewhat felt more conscious about my physical appearance, my ability to ‘bring home the bacon’ and also how my husband sees me (literally). Wanting to still look ‘attractive’, I am looking for alternatives so that I look bedazzling and he won’t set his eyes on other women that’s more attractive than I am right now (which is essentially the entire female population).

He’s insistent that I don’t need it, but I’m insistent that I do. Go figure.

I poured out my thoughts and insecurities to him and glad I did as he’s always one step ahead with things like this. He says that it’s good I’m conscious of it, which means that it won’t come to the part where he needs to remind me to become the best of what I can be. Let’s not attack him and say that he’s not being understanding – I appreciate his feedback and turns my insecurities into a push for me.

When you’re in a relationship/partnership, it needs two people for it to work. If one continues to grow, the other needs to follow through so that the ship will be balanced. Problems will arise when one is continuously improving themselves, whilst the other is stagnant and comfortable. It’s not a bad thing to be comfortable, it’s probably human nature. But with relationships it will create a rift and one will think ‘why is he/she up there’ whilst the other will think ‘why are you not following?’

I’ve seen this first-hand to people closest to me and it’s sad and frightening at the same time to watch how they were so in love and respectful of their commitment spiral out of control and shatters the relationship. I don’t want that to happen.

So ladies – and gents, it’s ok to let out your insecurities to your partners. If they are supportive and they love and cherish you, they will help you find the right path. Keep an open mind and be neutral (ladies keep the hormones out!) as their feedback is truly what you need to hear. Don’t see it as a weakness and hide it, use it as a motivation for you to keep working at it.