Don’t Be Afraid

Hey readers! How have you been? Apologies for the disappearance – many topics to write but time is a slippery thing (especially with a toddler) that at the end of a day I may not have the energy to type. A late, yet important topic I wanted to bring up about taking chances and why we should grab them by the balls.

I spoke to a friend of mine just recently that in the past couple of months, I have been feeling mediocre. I felt that my life is a cycle of doing the same things everyday. Do I sound like I’m complaining? I’m not, but the truth is that it made me feel like I’m not going anywhere. Stagnant, stuck and being in this comfort zone that isn’t making me grow and/or become better.

I didn’t voice my feelings to the husband, as I can’t rely on him to solve all my problems. So instead, I encouraged myself to do something worthwhile that might give me feel like I’m ‘valuable’. I jumped back into freelancing for small jobs and it felt so rewarding. The pay wasn’t what motivated me, it was the push to learn about other industries, topics and at the core of it, being ‘needed’ professionally.

After I had gotten a few jobs, I told the husband and he (of course) was very supportive and proud that I made this step. Initially I was scared – I kept on thinking, ‘What if this decreases my time with the family?’ or ‘I don’t know anything about this topic’ and so on. Insecurities are such a bummer when you fall into its’ claws, which is why you need to find a way to make it motivate you.

Fast forward and I was approached by a few close friends for another opportunity to not only expand my knowledge, but also take a huge jump into something I didn’t think I would do. If you’re interested, I’ll keep you updated once I’m able to give sneak peeks but it was such a perfect timing and opportunity for me.

You see, I wrote about embracing being a stay-at-home mum and all, but my mind still holds onto that fear of being judged along with the stigma that is given to this role. Am I wrong to be afraid? No. Fear, just like insecurity, can help us push ourselves in becoming better and grow. Just because you fear something, doesn’t mean you should avoid it at all cost. Instead, you should embrace the journey and if it makes you stumble, learn from it and become better.

So what I’m trying to say is, don’t be afraid of where you are right now. Know that when you’ve hit that burnout or stagnant button, that’s the cue to pick yourself back up again. As mentioned, grab any opportunities that comes your way and enable yourself to grow. Take those risks and sometimes, ignore the voices in your head that tells you otherwise.

Lots of love :*

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No Regrets!

At this age, I will sometime stumble into conversations revolving whether there are things in my past that I would like to change, given the chance. I’ve discussed this topic once or twice with the husband as well, whether it’s related to business decisions, small, daily tasks or love-related chances that we took.

Upon reflection, I believe that all the decisions we made led us to how we are today. Whether they were good and/or bad, it has shaped us to who we are now. There were a few things in my head that I thought, ‘Hey, I wish I didn’t do this’ or ‘I wish I didn’t do this with that person’, and so on. But in reality, if those things didn’t happen to me I may have been a different person completely.

It’s like how in movies one small change will affect the future tremendously, you know? The only example I can think of is when Homer (from The Simpsons’) went back to the dinosaur age and killed a mosquito (very menial) and yet when he went back the world was completely different.

The only thing I think we should keep in mind after realising we’ve made a bad decision, is to learn from it. Don’t be silly and keep on repeating the same mistakes – that’s what bad decisions are for. To make you see what the negative effects are and try to prevent from making those decisions in the future, learn from it, and grow.

So yes, no regrets – but be better and improve yourselves.

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You Are a Reflection

Have you ever wondered why when you do ‘unacceptable’ things your parents would scold you or be upset? Or if you did ‘praiseworthy’ things they’ll also be the ones buffing their chest out (in a positive light) and be all smiles and happy?

As per the title, you are a reflection – a reflection of their teachings, themselves as an individual. Therefore, if we act out of the way they think they have taught us, it will evoke a response from them.

Being the adults we are now, it is difficult to change our habits, character and way of thinking as they have been invested and injected in us from the day we were born. Now if you’d like to make a better version of yourself, you can do that with your children. Don’t go crawling up my backside and say that’s not what they’re here for (I know they’re mainly not), but my father-in-law always mentions that he’s done the best he could with his kids so it’s now their turn to do BETTER than he did. By knowing what is good and bad with ourselves, we can implement the ‘good’ and try to replenish the ‘bad’ starting from now.

Prior to the kiddo, I’ve always acted on impulse and didn’t really think about the cause and effect my actions had towards those around me. For example, when I’m mad at one someone, I tend to be mad at everyone. I think since a young age I wasn’t able to express my emotions properly, repressed by the people around me as they think it’s not ‘acceptable behaviour’ to be angry, sad, or upset.

Another example is that when I’m upset I tend to go over things that’s happened in the past and has nothing to do with the issue at hand. Guess who gets REALLY irritated when I do one of these (hint: he lives with me).

 

To reflect, how did I come about this type of behaviour? Children are very perceptive when it comes to emotions and how they act upon it. My parents of course have done the best they could with the knowledge they had at the time, but hey we’re human beings and we have flaws. Upon further inspection (especially when they come over to see the grandchild), I see them doing this every time they argue.

I’ll stop there about them and come back to me now. Of course, this type of behaviour is minuscule compared to acceptable societal values such as don’t cheat on your wife/husband, don’t do drugs, etc. I mean, it’s such an every day thing that we do we don’t even think about how it affects our children. But this very little thing will determine how they will interact with other people later on and with their partner as well.

So, is your behaviour reflective of how you want your children to be?

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Talking is A Must!

My day started out not so great today. I woke up groggy (not enough sleep) and upon getting out of my room, there were things that peeved me.

Hello morning crankiness.

I like to bottle things up. Not healthy I know, as when it reaches the limits my mouth blasts off and says not-so-nice things. Ask my husband and family.

I tried to talk it out with the perpetraitor (guess who) and he let me off by staying quiet. I think he knows that I need to get this out before it gets any worse and once it was out, he still kissed me goodbye and talked normally before he left for work. Major points to him for keeping his cool.

When we live together with someone (whether it’s your spouse/partner/sibling) we forget that we still need to talk and communicate. We become disillusioned by comfort and seeing each other everyday that we assume they know what we want/need. Perhaps it’s one of the reasons relationships crack as instead of talking to each other about what’s happening in our lives and our expectations, the issues we’re dealing with, we bottle it in and assume things. Assumption is the most horrible thing since you’re cutting off the communicating part and just expect.

Once kids come in, this makes it somewhat worse if you let it. You’re tired of taking care of the little one, he’s tired from work, and to prevent any miscommunication and arguments we just say our usual ‘hello’ and leave it at that.

I understand that since we are imperfect, we’re allowed one or two of these quiet moments (or days) to ourselves. We don’t always have to talk but it is important that you spend heart-to-heart sessions every so often.

But I have nothing interesting happen. Then find a random topic, or even a meme or anything that will start a conversation.

But I’m exhausted. Well, so are they. But if you welcome them with a smile and hug instead of your dreary face, I’m sure it’ll make their day better and thus open up a conversation.

But I have nothing to say. Read an article, buy a new book. Share what you saw on instagram and see if they have their own take on it.

Whatever reason you have come to mind to avoid making this extra effort, scrap it. Especially if you want things to work. Yes you’ll still argue, fight and have bad days. But at least there will be more positive memories of your conversations instead of the negatives. And I think that’s worth the extra effort and noise.

Don’t you?

But You’re A Mother!

#eyeroll

Hey everyone! Before I start my rant, I hope you had a great Christmas, New Year’s, Valentine’s and Chinese New Year’s celebration! So many special days have passed since my last post.

So anyway, today’s post is just a topic that’s been rolling around in this head of mine for some time (as always). It could even be considered as a sequel to the previous post.

Now as many of you may know, people judge. I understand that it’s a normal thing our brain does to everyone we see, but I feel that it is most noticeable towards women (i.e. body size, features, blablabla).

But once you’ve also added ‘mother’ to your role? It gets even worse. Urgh, I can’t even begin to tell you how long my rant will be if not for the days it’s mulled over my head.

Since becoming one, I have tried my best to do my best for my kiddo – choosing the right products, toys, food, doctor, and the list goes on. Anticipating the leaps they’ll be going through and read about it through the numerous books out there, and also testimonials from other mothers. This doesn’t cover all of the things I’m doing (my husband does too don’t worry) but we do try our best.

Now, imagine after going through the lengths we have for our little bundles of joy while trying to keep a marriage, household, YOURSELF together, people start spewing comments like this when you make a decision that in no way will affect or harm your child.

Really?

Urgh (try sounding it out) – and you wonder why we get depressed and have the blues (insert another #eyeroll here). You realise that ‘mother’ (or ‘father’) is not the only role we hold? We’re also a wife/husband, brother/sister, friend, our own damn self.

So what if we have a date night and leave our kid with the g’parents? Or have a glass of wine once in a while? Or get a tattoo/piercing? Or leave them for an hour to workout so you won’t also judge us for the way we look after giving birth?

Insert another URGH here.

I might seem ignorant at times or just give it a smile and wave, but days when the hormones kick in ooh girl, let’s not see what will happen. I also understand that I am located in a country where the older generation is unchangeable, whereas the younger ones are judgemental and/or closeminded (no offence intended). But unless you are already in a similar position to us as mothers (or fathers) and even if you are and think you’re better, just let it be. We’ve each got our own journey and challenges to face – we really don’t need the additional tingling comments that makes us feel smaller than we already are.

Instead of judging them on what they do as an individual (as mentioned, no harm done to child), why not praise them and give positive feedback? A little goodness goes a loooong way, especially if it’s been one of those days where your little sunshine has been a naggy, teething, don’t want to eat, crying, pooping mess.

What do you think? :*

Am I Enough?

It’s a bit clichΓ© to do a post before the year ends, but who cares – I’m doing it anyway.

This particular statement has been rolling around in my head for some time, but hasn’t had the time to properly stretch it out. I hope I’ll do it some justice and be able to explain it in detail.

Where am I going with this? Ever since I found out a human being is growing inside me, I was not only ecstatic about her presence in our lives, but my fears have increased as well. There are so many deranged, scary, disgusting and just so much negativity going on in this world right now, I can’t list them one by one on how I fear it was/will/may affect my child.

But the worst thing? I’m afraid I am not doing enough for her. Have I prepared for her future ‘right’? How will I lead her to become strong, confident and independent? Will she love music as much as her parents does? Are the foods I’m giving her nutritional enough? And even this (yes this was said to me) – am I holding her right?

Societal standards have become so high now that everything is ‘transparent’ through what you share on social media, what people think they know, and their need to express their thoughts. It’s as bizarre as it is disturbing.

This doesn’t just apply for us ‘mothers’, but for each and every ‘role’ that has been created to brand ourselves – wife, husband, daughter, friend.

I follow a few of these ‘quote’ pages on Instagram – one of the reasons that I do is to uplift my mood wherever it may be on the scale for that day. I consider myself lucky if I may, that my level of ignorance (or obliviousness) has made me somewhat ‘strong’ (or let’s say ignorant) if there are comments from people (strangers to close family members) that indirectly ‘judge’ me on how I’m doing – especially with motherhood right now. Depending on what kind of day I’m having and my hormones, it usually goes in one ear and comes out the other. To some however, those words may be the tipping point on whether they continue their journey in that ‘role’ or not.

On top of lifting my mood, these pages help me realise that most of their quotes are based on a common theme – loving yourself and believing that you are enough.We are all created with flaws, so we’ll make mistakes. But really, if you’ve given everything you have in becoming the best of you, that is enough. Keep that in mind though, that you need to keep evolving and growing to be the best version of you. If you are, then yes my dears, I/you/we are enough.

Have a safe and Happy New Year!

Love/Hate Relationship with Time

Referring to my post on how special days are losing it’s novelty, I have another interpretation now that I’ve become a year older – yay.

I might have read this online somewhere or heard it from someone, but I feel that special days to adults may seem daunting compared to when we were children because it may seem like a ‘countdown’.

The older we are, the quicker time passes by hence the fear that we are losing time. Aside from that, due to the rapidness of how time flies we want more of it. I feel like we all have a love/hate relationship with time. Why? We want the days to go by quicker so that we can come home after a long day, or to see our kids after they’ve finished school, or even the countdown for your wedding/honeymoon.

On the other hand, we want it to be as slow as it can so that each second is cherished and ensure that we’re prepared for what is to happen in the next. As an example, I’m becoming one of those sentimental mums where I want the little one to grow quicker yet not at the same time. Funny huh?

My message is the same – never take what has been given to you for granted. The life you’re living, the blessings you’ve been given, everything.I try to remind myself of this everyday; the husband does too when my hormones are acting up (lol).

Well, next thing you know it’s Christmas…

My treasures

4 Months Later…

Hey everyone! Sorry for the long absence, as you know the little one occupies 90% of my time – the rest is for the husband and house chores.

How is motherhood for me so far? I won’t sugarcoat anything so here it is… Tiring. Not in the negative sense, but it does have a physical effect on you (looking at you mothers-to-be) especially if you opt to go ahead without any hired assistance.

Other than the tiring part, it’s been an adventure. I’m blessed with a not-so-fussy baby, only complaining when hungry, sleepy, or pooping. Along with her growth, boredom makes her moody too *surprise*.

She’s a wonderful, curious little thing. As her senses become sharper, mummy becomes even more tired as she wants to play more, be picked up more, held more and just more. With these ‘more’s however, I am also rewarded with something as well.

Smiles, giggles, laughter. Being recognized as someone she can depend on (mostly for food right now) and a shoulder to cry on (literally). A thing she can bite or suck on while her teeth may start growing and excitement when given her baths.

With that in mind, I am thankful everyday for this life that has been given to me, regardless of my tiredness, aching back and weak knees (at 27!). So far so good, no breakdowns or sudden cryings even though I’ve experienced the projectile pooping and vomiting.

Off to sleep now πŸ™‚

I Wasn’t Prepared For…

Everything.

Of course, the husband and I tried to ‘prepare’ the arrival of our little one by decorating her room, buying the necessities she’d need, buying what we need to make sure we had assistance as we had opted to not seek professional help (i.e. nanny) for now. However, there were a few things I wasn’t prepared for.

  • Sleep Deprived:Β those who knew me whilst in my pregnancy stage knows I slept like a bear in hibernation. Welcoming the little one definitely had me going around in circles – luckily her sleeping pattern is now semi established and she sleeps well through the night.
  • Fear of Failure:Β I had a bit of a scare in her first week – my breast milk was coming out, but she wasn’t latching on properly and thus got dehydrated. It was heartbreaking for me to see her be sick and made me feel like an ignorant mother. Ladies, your support system is everything in situations like these – my husband, parents and friends were so positive and had my back regardless of the tears I shed. Long story short, she’s well and is a milk monster now πŸ˜‰
  • Chores: goodness, where do I begin? If it wasn’t for my parents, my place would look disgustingly horrible. I was quite active prior to giving birth, doing all chores by myself and being ‘independent’ that way. Enter the little one and I sometimes barely have enough time to shower or clean the house (I’d opt for sleep anytime!).
  • Love:Β you know the saying that you’ll love your husband more when you see him interact with your children? This is not fictional, it is factual. Of course I love my little girl more than life now, but your love for the people around you also grows. I appreciate and love my parents more as they’re still taking care of me. I love my husband more as he’s not only given the necessities to bring her into the world, but is willing to spend the time he used to play with his games now with the little one.

Just my top 4 things for now, as the list may be expanded later on. Motherhood, as my colleague said, is tiring yet rewarding. I’m probably still not prepared as to what’s to come in the future, but who is?

Lots of love πŸ˜‰

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Marsh-MELLOW Mood

Have you ever had one of those days where you just didn’t feel like… anything?

Yesterday was one of those days.

Between the waiting, anxiousness and just boredom, I felt empty, moody and snappy (perhaps it’s the hormones?). I tried to hold it in (and worked for a majority of the day) but by the end I felt drained and ready to snap at somebody. Easiest target? The husband (LOL).

Don’t worry, I didn’t snap. I just needed a pair of ears to listen to my worries and silly thoughts, who wouldn’t judge me or give me any ‘feedback’. Just a presence. And that’s what I received, and after 2 minutes I’m back to happy old me again.

I wanted to post this yesterday when all the cloudy swirls in my head was still there, but I thought better of it since I might rant about – everything. Ranting about ‘everything’ will Β be a reflection of how ungrateful I am about what I have and the condition I’m in, hence why I stopped myself.

Yes, I use this blog to pour my thoughts and also views on certain things, but these types of days you just need a person that purely listens. I hope when you’re having these marshmellows, you realize that it’s just one day out of the many you go through to make you reflect and be grateful for your surroundings. And also, choose the right person to pour your heart to – wether it’s a good friend, a partner, or even a stranger to let your emotions free.

Toodles!

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