In our virtual world, it’s really difficult to be perceived as a ‘neutral’ writer or commentator. There will always be people that take offense to your opinions or thoughts. Regardless, I’ll still put a disclaimer in my early posts to make sure readers understand that these are my thoughts and I’m open for chats in regards to the posts I write.
Tonight’s topic is about weddings versus marriages. Some people may perceive it as the same thing, but I have been firmly told that no, they are completely different. My husband actually should have this blog as most of my inspirations about my writing is based on what he’s said.
I got married in June 2016 and to get to that date was a year-and-a-half of planning, spending money and vendor meetings. However, prior to our planning the husband (fiance at that time) sat me down and gave me a talk. He asked me if I am ready to be married, and of course I said yes. Otherwise, why would I have done the intensive research for let’s say, 3 years prior? He repeated the question again, with the addition of, ‘No honey, not the wedding. The marriage. Are you ready to spend eternity with me?’ He’s called me oblivious countless times, but this time I understood what he meant and after a second I said ‘Yes I am.’
He then further explained that he wants me to be mentally ready for what is to come – challenges, boredom, sadness, loss and all the rollercoaster rides we probably read and hear about from people we know about marriage. Not just for the wedding (read: celebration) but for the real deal. Mind you, we were together for 5 years by that time and I thought we already knew everything about each other and have already known each other’s quirks and buttons, but you still hear those stories about people not making it having spent even more time than we have in their relationship compared to ours.
Having worked in the wedding industry and seeing many relationships (closely or from a distance), I see that especially in the Eastern culture marriages equate to how grand their wedding celebration is. It’s a status, how they want to be seen in the public eye and perhaps it’s also a marketing strategy from the wedding industry, but we’ll go into that in a later post perhaps. I see why people stress out, have last-minute breakdowns or even separate from planning a wedding or briefly after their wedding. Why? Because they weren’t ready for a marriage in the first place.
They were only preparing on how grand the party will be, how many people are coming, how beautiful the dress will be, how the food will taste. They are preparing with the mindset of making everyone they’re inviting to be happy, whereas they are not preparing themselves for the journey that lies ahead with their significant other. They were so invested on making this ‘party’ happen that mentally and spiritually they did not prepare for the smooth-sailing of their relationship.
Now, I feel that a good partner will always stop you from falling or failing. For those who knows my husband, he has goofiness written all over him. But for me, he is my perfect fit, the partner that I need to have with me for my eternity. If or when you do have a good partner, they will do simple but important things like compromise, let you know what is worth fighting over and let you know that your wedding day won’t be perfect. And I agree – your wedding will never be perfect, as will your marriage. I think this is the only similarity between a marriage and a wedding, their imperfectness.
For example, it rained on the day of my wedding. But I didn’t even notice until someone pointed that out to me because the important thing of that day was the vow I said in front of God, my husband and the people I wanted to be there with me. We both fell on the dancefloor due to the rain, but we both got up and continued anyway until the song finished. I was half asleep after the matrimony, but was still happy to go through with the day knowing the important part was done.
So friends, please have a positive and healthy mindset before you say ‘YES!’ or before you start planning as this is an important key to having a healthy marriage. No it won’t be perfect as mentioned above, but where’s the fun in perfect?
Let me know your thoughts or experiences about facing these two topics 🙂